Dont focus on the numpties …

Dont focus on the numpties …

Dont focus on the numpties …

Written by

Sitting in the car this morning on the homeward journey of the ever lengthening school run, and I could feel a sense of irritation welling up inside. Not only was the traffic particular bad today and the drivers particular mindless and frustrating, but on the radio, some dickhead was expressing their ‘outrage’ that our future queen had committed the mortal sin of touching up some of her photos. The whiny cretin seemed perplexed when the host questioned whether it was as big deal and whether maybe the public had other, more serious things to worry about (it isn’t and we do) and I was getting wound up listening to this irrelevant nob and the air time he was being given.

With the traffic reduced to a crawl, I began to imagine what this guy’s back story was. I wondered whether he had a partner, whether his partner wished he didn’t have a partner, whether he had kids and if he did, whether there was a thing such as a whiny-twat gene that he may have passed onto them. I hoped not. I then pondered whether he was the sort of bloke who gets triggered by everything, or whether only certain things pressed his buttons. Was it because it was Princess Kate that he was getting so riled up and if so why?

As I wondered if my mood could get any shittier, an impatient woman, too lazy or preoccupied to walk twenty yards up the road to a safer place for her and her young family to cross, stepped out in front of the car in front of me, two young kids in tow and into the oncoming traffic. The unsighted driver coming towards her swerved, as she gripped her kids arms and pulled them back, and I had found a new target for my bubbling irritation.

As I began to delve into my new target’s imaginary back story and whether her kids had been gifted with her very own ‘head up the arse’ gene to endanger their own children in the future, my focus was switched to a lady jogging on the other side of the road. What caught my eye wasn’t the fact that a woman was running in my direction, this happens so much and so often that it is no longer even attention worthy, but that she paused and running on the spot, gave space to a couple of kids coming her way and taking up most of the pavement. As they approached her, she gave them a friendly smile and once passed, continued on her way. As she got closer I realised I knew her, beeped, smiled and gave a thumbs-up and she responded with the same smile she had given the kids moments before.

In that moment, my mood quickly lurched from irritated to contemplative and I begun to meditate on the benefits of starting the day with exercise and what authentic and genuine smiling does for one’s demeanour. Thinking of this made me think of Mrs E setting off this morning on her 3.5km walk to work (for those exact benefits) and the big smiles we gave each other as I waved her off from the bedroom window and my smile grew bigger.

In an instant I was no longer bothered by stuff.

Moments later and with me now smiling to myself and in a good mood, I noticed another friend walking towards me, so once again I sounded my horn and waved. This time however, with the traffic now flowing more freely, my friend was unable to make out who had honked at them (or indeed if anyone had honked specifically at them at all). Undeterred by the who’s or the if’s, she waved back in such a way that, even if she didn’t know who had actually beeped, from the dozen or so cars passing her at that particular moment, no one was getting left out.

In an instant I was no longer just smiling, but chuckling to myself and replaying the image of my friend doing her best impression of Stevie Wonder swatting wasps.

Kindness, warmth and humour are amazing at distracting us from the things that get our goats and instantly freeing us from the foul moods we all find ourselves in. What we give our attention to and the meaning we give those things can harm us, or it can help us. Most of the time, we have it in our power to decide where that focus is placed. This morning, in being distracted with things that in reality have no relevance to me and do not and should not require my attention, I temporarily got absorbed in a negative frame of mind.

Luckily, a friendly smile and gesture, a warm memory of the missus and a cheery and carefree outlook reminded me just how easy it is to pop straight back into a happy state and be snapped out of a shitty one. The fact is, we always have the choice to think one thought over another and the ability to direct our focus and attention to the things that serve us better.

I am going to spend the rest of the day (and the next school run) looking out for the things that inspire me and make me smile and ignoring or turning off the things all of those things that do not serve me.

I am also going to try and be less critical of others as I don’t know the real stories behind the choices they make. On another day, I almost certainly would have been less irritated with the woman choosing to cross the road in the dangerous way that she did (and hopefully been more concerned) because I do not know enough to pass judgement on her.

But when I saw her I was already in a state of irritation as a result of not changing radio station when one of life’s true numpties started making mountains out of molehills.

So, I guess that’s the final moral of this message – If you want to have a good day, turn off the dickheads you don’t need in your head.

*if you are a whiny cretin, who feels genuinely aggrieved at a set of touched up photos, you probably need therapy and I am probably not the one to give it to you.

 

THE SCOURGE OF THE PROFESSION

Unfortunately, the hypnotherapy profession has more than it’s fair share of unethical and predatory practitioners, and dishonest and unprofessional trainers casting a shadow over the many decent people working in the industry.

I am collecting data and evidence to challenge much of the problematic behaviour that is holding all that is positive about the field back.

Please let me know – with full confidentiality, where you have witnessed individuals and organisations behaving unprofessionally (providing evidence) and I will look into it, as I have done on previous occasions.
We all have a collective responsibility to raise standards.

 

You become what you give your attention to.

 

– Epictetus

 

The influence Epictetus’s teachings have endured throughout the ages and his philosophy adopted by coaches and therapists. This morning, for a few moments I became what I gave my attention to; angry, unreasonable and unecessarily irritated by things I could choose to ignore.
Be mindful of what you are giving your attention to.

Is there something hypnotherapy can help you with?

Related Articles

Becoming a Hypnotherapist, what you might not have been told.

Becoming a Hypnotherapist, what you might not have been told.

This blog is a cautionary tale for anyone thinking about training as a hypnotherapist. I recently saw a post in a facebook group that posed the following questions to it's members.  How lucrative is the field? How much energy did it take to start a practice? Is...

Dont focus on the numpties …

Dont focus on the numpties …

Sitting in the car this morning on the homeward journey of the ever lengthening school run, and I could feel a sense of irritation welling up inside. Not only was the traffic particular bad today and the drivers particular mindless and frustrating, but on the radio,...

Relaunching Advanced Hypnosis Training…

Relaunching Advanced Hypnosis Training…

I thought long and hard before reaching the decision to bring Advanced Hypnosis Training back.  A few years back, with my passion for the hypnosis profession beginning to wane, having already ceased or mothballed all the training I was offering (more on both that...

Therapy or training enquiry?

I would love to hear from you.

Sign up for regular updates

From the new Advanced Hypnosis Training blog and newsletter

Additional links

Becoming a Hypnotherapist, what you might not have been told.

Becoming a Hypnotherapist, what you might not have been told.

Becoming a Hypnotherapist, what you might not have been told.

Written by

This blog is a cautionary tale for anyone thinking about training as a hypnotherapist. I recently saw a post in a facebook group that posed the following questions to it’s members. 

How lucrative is the field? How much energy did it take to start a practice? Is finding clients a lot of work?

Many of the responses were as expected. Instead of answering the questions honestly, the post was seen as an opportunity to spout the usual tropes and spurious claims and indulge in the predictable chest-beating big-dickery that too many hypnotherapists feel the need to participate in. Sadly, the profession is awash with people who are economical with the truth to say the least.

I began reading some of the boastful replies and, when done shaking my head, decided to contribute with my own sobering observations.

What follows is an edited and expanded version of my own response.

“A word of caution. Be wary of exaggerated or outright dishonest claims. The hypnotherapy business can indeed be lucrative, however, the fact is – the profession is awash with more than it’s fair share of trainers who lie. In fact, there are a lot of them, and they tell a lot of lies between them and when they are not telling outright fibs, they are being deliberate dishonest, disingenuous and economical with the truth.

So what are the lies and false claims being shared to prospective students, clients and their professional peers?

Well let’s see, they are dishonest about the number of clients they see, have seen, have helped, how busy they are, their success rates, what they charge, and their scope of practice (what they can work with). One thing many of the trainers also fail to tell potential students, is that they themselves are not, and many have never been, busy therapists. They rarely disclose that their income comes from either other revenue streams (main job, pensions, partners etc.) or primarily from the training and workshops they offer (which ironically will include selling outdated or unsuccessful ‘how to get client’ programmes that haven’t worked for them).

Trainers will say to potential students things such as “you can get 30/40 clients a week”, when they have never run a prolific practice themselves,  and for the few that can claim to have that amount of weekly footfall through their doors, the practice normally consists of a number of hypnotherapists working in it (a detail many choose to omit).

Having created and run the country’s most successful hypnosis convention, I got to observe, know, befriend and mentor lots of hypnotherapists, trainers and numerous individuals trained by the people behind the claims. I also have been invited to numerous trainings by the individuals guilty of perpetuating some of the guff and nonsense . So, I have been well positioned to see and hear things as they are, both from the people seduced by the false claims and the ones making them. 

Sure you can make a nice few quid from the hypnosis business. But what most of the people making money won’t ever tell you is that where it’s been a moneymaker for them is, the disingenuous selling of the dream to trusting people in exchange for money that will never bear fruit (unless they pass on the bullshit to their own future victims).

The reality is, just like any business, it can be very lucrative, but there are no shortcuts and you need to be patient and pragmatic because, finding out the path to a hypnosis career is paved with far more bullshit than it is gold, may zap your energy, spirit and resolve.

Before you begin, set yourself realistic goals, budgets, targets (in terms of client numbers) and relative amount of time to allocate to growing your business as you succeed or fail. Be honest with yourself as a therapist and business person and set time aside at the end of every day for self-reflection and the reflective processes involved with running businesses well.

Also be mindful of how much money you invest in continued training. I will be honest, I’ve spent a lot of money on utter shit over the years, when my time and money would have been better put to use self-studying, self-reflecting and actually finding some of the cost effective resources freely available. Nothing depletes the energy like an ever depleting bank account and a trainer and training that creates more questions than answers.

Think long and hard about any claims being made and be especially cynical as to whether any ‘marketing’ training from a certain type of hypnosis or NLP trainer, is going to be of any actual value in setting up a practice, and how watertight and congruent their claims actually are. 

Your success will be the best way to find the next client through referrals and the right kind of referrals. Following up on clients for referrals and feedback is a good way to keep that referral process alive.

Disclaimer. I am a good businessman and a great business coach. However, I am or at least I was, a pretty poor hypnosis businessman because I helped too many people for free. I gave good advice to others but, always struggled taking money for many of the issues I was helping clients with, sometimes because of the client’s personal circumstances, but also because of the other revenue streams I was enjoying at the time. Even when I was fully focused and feeling less charitable, I rarely saw more than ten clients a week on average. This suited at the time, but I think, even with my results speaking for themselves, doubling those figures would have taken a lot of time and commitment.

In summary, yes training as a hypnotherapist can be lucrative, but be sure to objectively question those who tell you it is and ask them to demonstrate where their actual income comes from. Yes it can be a drain on energy so be economical, pragmatic and measured when you are starting out. Be a good hypnotherapist, don’t try to imitate people who tell you they are great hypnotherapists, and the clients will come – over time.

 

THE SCOURGE OF THE PROFESSION

Unfortunately, the hypnotherapy profession has more than it’s fair share of unethical and predatory practitioners, and dishonest and unprofessional trainers casting a shadow over the many decent people working in the industry.

I am collecting data and evidence to challenge much of the problematic behaviour that is holding all that is positive about the field back.

Please let me know – with full confidentiality, where you have witnessed individuals and organisations behaving unprofessionally (providing evidence) and I will look into it, as I have done on previous occasions.
We all have a collective responsibility to raise standards.

 

Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment..

– Benjamin Franklin

 

This profession, especially for the newly qualified hypnotherapist, can be extremely challenging and in times of hardship, and with everyone else seemingly doing it, the temptation to mislead others can be great. But tempting as it is, if you have any integrity, a mispoken word will invariably bite you in the arse. So stay true to yourself and the rewards will eventually come.

Is there something hypnotherapy can help you with?

Related Articles

Becoming a Hypnotherapist, what you might not have been told.

Becoming a Hypnotherapist, what you might not have been told.

This blog is a cautionary tale for anyone thinking about training as a hypnotherapist. I recently saw a post in a facebook group that posed the following questions to it's members.  How lucrative is the field? How much energy did it take to start a practice? Is...

Dont focus on the numpties …

Dont focus on the numpties …

Sitting in the car this morning on the homeward journey of the ever lengthening school run, and I could feel a sense of irritation welling up inside. Not only was the traffic particular bad today and the drivers particular mindless and frustrating, but on the radio,...

Relaunching Advanced Hypnosis Training…

Relaunching Advanced Hypnosis Training…

I thought long and hard before reaching the decision to bring Advanced Hypnosis Training back.  A few years back, with my passion for the hypnosis profession beginning to wane, having already ceased or mothballed all the training I was offering (more on both that...

Therapy or training enquiry?

I would love to hear from you.

Sign up for regular updates

From the new Advanced Hypnosis Training blog and newsletter

Additional links

Relaunching Advanced Hypnosis Training…

Relaunching Advanced Hypnosis Training…

Relaunching Advanced Hypnosis Training…

Written by

I thought long and hard before reaching the decision to bring Advanced Hypnosis Training back. 

A few years back, with my passion for the hypnosis profession beginning to wane, having already ceased or mothballed all the training I was offering (more on both that later), and with most of my one to one client work primarily being marked as a coaching service that complemented the consulting work I was offering (and which was proving more palatable to my target demographics), I decided to take a break from the business side of hypnosis altogether.

Taking a break from hypnosis meant also giving away the UK Hypnosis Convention, the event I had spent three years building from scratch to become the biggest industry conference of it’s kind in the country and possibly the world (outside of North America). I had taken it as far as I felt I could and bowed out in 2018 on a high, having sold out my third and final event in charge. I am incredibly proud of the UKHC, not only what I achieved personally achieved with it in such a relatively short space of time, but in seeing how it has continued to mature year on year, raising the bar and giving people in the industry a place to learn from and network with others. 

I loved my time running the convention and it blessed me with a number of treasured and enduring friendships along the way, but running it certainly took it’s toll. Organising any event singlehandedly requires a lot of focusing on a lot of moving parts and in the case of the hypnosis profession, this included the unavoidable consequence of having to deal with the disproportionate amount of unwarranted ego and delusion it seems to perpetually attract.

You see, the hypnosis world (being the unregulated environment it is) is blighted by more than it’s fair share of noisy and often harmful idiots preying on badly trained hypnotherapists (often educated by them) and a misinformed public (ditto) and a good convention, can be prime hunting ground. The reason they gravitate to hypnosis conferences is because most of their money is made ‘selling’ the illusion of the quick fix rather than in the fixing itself, and a conference, especially a fledgling one, can provide them with easy pickings. In getting it off the ground, I initially had to be less selective when it came to choosing who I wanted to contribute, and even though by the third year, I had successfully managed to create an event where the worst elements were no longer welcome, by then I had laid with enough dogs that I was constantly itchy. 

Any irritation I had towards others however, was being compounded by the annoyance I had felt with myself and in the quality of the poor training that, I too had provided in the past. By offering what, I had considered at the time to be a decent standard of training, but had subsequently proved to be outdated and incongruent with anything I was doing, I felt I was little better than anyone else. So training was the first thing to get put on indefinite ice.

So disillusioned was I feeling at this stage, that even the words hypnosis and hypnotherapy had begun to irk and make me feel uncomfortable, so I decided that the remaining hypnosis being offered would be lumped in with the coaching services that I was happily gaining more traction in and the words dropped altogether from any marketing, websites, social media etc.

Dropping hypnosis and hypnotherapy certainly didn’t seem to have any negative effect on a large section of my existing business, those individuals and professionals who find the word ‘coaching’ far more agreeable than ‘therapy’ or anything beginning with ‘H’and I when I did mention hypnotherapy in relation to any help I was offering pro-bono, I no longer felt fraudulent or dirty.

But there were elements of the work I did miss. I missed the sheer randomness and variety of enquiries and the odd eccentric client and their fascinating issues and histories. I missed days where I could be working with an octogenarian in the morning and goofing around with a ten year old in the afternoon, and even though I continued to work with the coaching client’s imaginations, missed the sheer wonder and surprise a hypnosis session often would bring. 

I knew I wasn’t done with the hypnosis profession entirely and hoped the profession wasn’t done with me, but it had been full on for a number of years, and with other interests and ongoing concerns proving more than enough of a distraction, it was right to step away when I did, knowing my appetite would be whetted again at some point.

Ironically, it was through consulting, that the opportunity to get back into hypnosis work presented itself. In early 2020 I was asked by a client to arrange a team building event for the whole company and given creative carte blanche to organise something that would put the Chairman’s message across in an engaging and entertaining way. I had a shortlist of one, with whom I would want to collaborate on a project of this nature and approached my friend, the award winning magician (and in my opinion, best performing hypnotist around) James Brown.

Together we wrote and devised a pretty incredible and perfectly pitched event (even if I do say so myself), slickly presented in a way only  James can and one which reignited the passion for hypnosis and educating that I hadn’t felt in quite some time. I decided I had missed the magic and began mulling over ideas to bring the hypnosis business back to life.

Two weeks later covid struck and the World shut down, along with any notions I had of reopening Advanced Hypnosis Training.

Covid brought out the best, but also the worst in people and the worst elements from the worlds of hypnosis, NLP and ‘life-coaching’ seemed to relish this new opportunity to peddle pseudo-nonsense, tell fibs and exploit the shit out of others. My apathy for the profession and contempt for the dickheads returned almost overnight.

In the ensuing years, I have stayed in touch with the good connections in the industry, always continued to help people using hypnosis (especially those in dire straits or who had little or no success elsewhere) and patiently waited for the right time to do it all again, only as a better, wiser and more congruent version of myself.

I was poised to pull the trigger last year and relaunch AHT, but there were a few things that were not right and I have been keen to make sure that I am personally at the top of my game, to give clients (and if all goes to plan future students) the absolute best service I can, with no incongruences and my full attention and commitment. UKHC 2023 and the calibre of people presenting and in attendance, certainly had a positive effect in addressing some of the nihilistic feelings I have towards the profession and the last few months have been spent refining practices and getting ready for the relaunch of Advanced Hypnosis Training.

I learned much during the previous incarnation of Advanced Hypnosis Training, but somewhere along the way I forgot the two most important lessons of all and I do not intend to forget them again.

The first of the lessons is that ultimately, helping others is what this job should really be about and being on the inside looking out, will do that better than being an outsider looking in. Don’t be distracted by others and if you are, then be vocal and visible in challenging the professional impropriety you see and if you can’t, don’t let them detract from your own game.

The second lesson is what as therapists we should be telling many of our clients – there are no shortcuts. In the early years, I rushed to become a better trainer than the bad ones I saw, and ended up being little better myself (though perhaps a little more trustworthy and ethical). I rushed to invest in the next big thing offering the ultimate panacea or quick fix, but have learned that adopting reflective practices and refining my own knowledge is second only to listening and learning from the client, in becoming the best therapist or coach you can be. Take as long as you need to get to where you want to be, but be congruent at all times.

 

THE SCOURGE OF THE PROFESSION

Unfortunately, the hypnotherapy profession has more than it’s fair share of unethical and predatory practitioners, and dishonest and unprofessional trainers casting a shadow over the many decent people working in the industry.

I am collecting data and evidence to challenge much of the problematic behaviour that is holding all that is positive about the field back.

Please let me know – with full confidentiality, where you have witnessed individuals and organisations behaving unprofessionally (providing evidence) and I will look into it, as I have done on previous occasions.
We all have a collective responsibility to raise standards.

 

Honesty is a very expensive gift, don’t expect it from cheap people.

– Warren Buffet

 

Truthfulness and honesty really are genuine qualities that not everyone possesses and as such should be appreciated. Being honest with others often feels more like a gift to them, but being honest with yourself, even if it doesn’t feel like it, is a gift to oneself. Being consistently honest is liberating. If you are in a bind, stuck in a rut or feeling anxious and depressed, is there something you are not being truly honest to yourself about?

Is there something hypnotherapy can help you with?

Related Articles

Becoming a Hypnotherapist, what you might not have been told.

Becoming a Hypnotherapist, what you might not have been told.

This blog is a cautionary tale for anyone thinking about training as a hypnotherapist. I recently saw a post in a facebook group that posed the following questions to it's members.  How lucrative is the field? How much energy did it take to start a practice? Is...

Dont focus on the numpties …

Dont focus on the numpties …

Sitting in the car this morning on the homeward journey of the ever lengthening school run, and I could feel a sense of irritation welling up inside. Not only was the traffic particular bad today and the drivers particular mindless and frustrating, but on the radio,...

Relaunching Advanced Hypnosis Training…

Relaunching Advanced Hypnosis Training…

I thought long and hard before reaching the decision to bring Advanced Hypnosis Training back.  A few years back, with my passion for the hypnosis profession beginning to wane, having already ceased or mothballed all the training I was offering (more on both that...

Therapy or training enquiry?

I would love to hear from you.

Sign up for regular updates

From the new Advanced Hypnosis Training blog and newsletter

Additional links