Worthwhile reads and worthwhile reminders!

Worthwhile reads and worthwhile reminders!

Worthwhile reads and worthwhile reminders!

Written by

I have always felt the need to share anything decent I am reading with others and having just finished both The Good Life and Bad Therapy, I thought the few people who read this blog may appreciate the positive recommendations of both below.

One of the few benefits of smart phones (there are a few but more on that later) is the ability to listen to a lot of books on the hoof. My audible monthly subscription is one of the few where I definitely feel like I get my money’s worth and I always try to listen to something while I am walking (and if the material is good enough this extends to car journeys too).

If I am engrossed in a particularly good chapter or topic, I often will add a little extra to the walk too, so the dogs also do not have many complaints where audible is concerned, other than pup’s frustration when I am in the zone while she’s trying her hardest to elicit a treat from me for the brief moment she isn’t being a lunatic.

The first book, The Good Life by Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz is based on findings from the 80-year-long Harvard Study of Adult Development, of which both authors are programme directors. An easy to listen to blend of anecdote and research, of all of many salient points the book makes, the most important ones are of the value of the key (most meaningful) relationships in our lives and who, what and when we give our focus and attention to and the continual attribution of meaning to the things in our life and our place in the world.

In short, a good life is found in the journey not the destination and though perhaps presented too simplistically for some (not me, I do simple well), the book delivers the message well, personalising it throughout with case studies and real-world examples that will prove relatable for the reader/listener.

It ultimately proposes that key relationships are to be treasured and nurtured, and that there are five effective traits associated with higher life satisfaction:

  1. Altruism
  2. Humour
  3. Sublimation (in which socially unacceptable impulses and reactions are transformed into socially acceptable actions or behavior, possibly resulting in a long-term conversion of the initial impulse).
  4. Anticipation (keep a realistic and pragmatic mind about future challenges)
  5. Suppression (maintaining a stiff upper lip and getting on with it or soldiering through).

Ironically in the final chapter of the second book, Bad Therapy (Why the kids aren’t growing up), the same Harvard study summary is referenced by the author (and former opinion columnist from the Wall Street Journal) Abigail Shrier to bring home the point (which she powerfully makes throughout the book) that it isn’t good therapy or therapists that ours and younger generations need, but rather healthy strategies for living meaningfully.

 As a book the second title is not only a more involved listening and reading experience, but a thought provoking and ultimately damning examination of the mental health crisis the western world finds itself in and the damage we have done or are doing to our ourselves, our children and future generations to come.

For me, this message makes it compulsory reading for parents, teachers, care workers, therapists and if I am being honest, pretty much anyway who has a stake in developing themselves or others.

It certainly won’t be comfortable reading or listening for the faint hearted or touchy-feely type of person who thinks therapy is probably the answer to most of life’s challenges, while recoiling at the notion that maybe mum and dad do actually know what’s best a lot of the time.

I think it is high time that the likes of Abigail Shrier, Jonathan Haidt and other authors and social commentators of a similar ilk are given a platform to make the very lucid points that they are making, and we as a society stop trying to lure people into the mindset that we are all broken and in need of fixing.

Bad Therapy not only makes this point, but rightfully challenges the credentials of the people making policy or tasked with the responsibility of administering and overseeing the change in others.

As I have returned in 2024 to offering my own brand of coaching and therapy, I have made a conscious decision to refuse to see most people as broken and to always offer up practical strategies to perceived problems before discussing a clients (financial) commitment to a therapeutic or coaching route. It is not a good short term business strategy, but I am hoping, thanks in part to books such as Bad Therapy, that the therapy business becomes a business of last resort rather than an industry that creates it’s own supply through bad advice and even worse practices and marketing.

In a recent conversation with my friend Gary Turner on the Hypnosis Discussion Network Podcast (which you can listen to here) we discussed the above and how, if we can help people without taking their money by providing practical solutions or honest answers to their presenting problems, it is the ethical thing to do (and not as bad a business model as you’d think).

Therapy should be based on doing the right thing by people and the book Bad Therapy leaves us cynically pondering the question – Has the profession’s clear failure to do the right thing (mental health is the fastest growing industry) been through misguided good intentions, or deliberate social engineering and the commoditisation of mental health and brokenness?

THE SCOURGE OF THE PROFESSION

Unfortunately, the hypnotherapy profession has more than it’s fair share of unethical and predatory practitioners, and dishonest and unprofessional trainers casting a shadow over the many decent people working in the industry.

I am collecting data and evidence to challenge much of the problematic behaviour that is holding all that is positive about the field back.

Please let me know – with full confidentiality, where you have witnessed individuals and organisations behaving unprofessionally (providing evidence) and I will look into it, as I have done on previous occasions.
We all have a collective responsibility to raise standards.

 

Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home.

 

– Matsuo Basho

 

Both titles above highlight the idea that it is the journey and not the destination where the reward and true pleasures in life can be found. Who, you spend that journey with will have a heavy influence on how pleasurable and bearable it is during the highest and lowest times. 

Is there something hypnotherapy can help you with?

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Dont focus on the numpties …

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Written by

Sitting in the car this morning on the homeward journey of the ever lengthening school run, and I could feel a sense of irritation welling up inside. Not only was the traffic particular bad today and the drivers particular mindless and frustrating, but on the radio, some dickhead was expressing their ‘outrage’ that our future queen had committed the mortal sin of touching up some of her photos. The whiny cretin seemed perplexed when the host questioned whether it was as big deal and whether maybe the public had other, more serious things to worry about (it isn’t and we do) and I was getting wound up listening to this irrelevant nob and the air time he was being given.

With the traffic reduced to a crawl, I began to imagine what this guy’s back story was. I wondered whether he had a partner, whether his partner wished he didn’t have a partner, whether he had kids and if he did, whether there was a thing such as a whiny-twat gene that he may have passed onto them. I hoped not. I then pondered whether he was the sort of bloke who gets triggered by everything, or whether only certain things pressed his buttons. Was it because it was Princess Kate that he was getting so riled up and if so why?

As I wondered if my mood could get any shittier, an impatient woman, too lazy or preoccupied to walk twenty yards up the road to a safer place for her and her young family to cross, stepped out in front of the car in front of me, two young kids in tow and into the oncoming traffic. The unsighted driver coming towards her swerved, as she gripped her kids arms and pulled them back, and I had found a new target for my bubbling irritation.

As I began to delve into my new target’s imaginary back story and whether her kids had been gifted with her very own ‘head up the arse’ gene to endanger their own children in the future, my focus was switched to a lady jogging on the other side of the road. What caught my eye wasn’t the fact that a woman was running in my direction, this happens so much and so often that it is no longer even attention worthy, but that she paused and running on the spot, gave space to a couple of kids coming her way and taking up most of the pavement. As they approached her, she gave them a friendly smile and once passed, continued on her way. As she got closer I realised I knew her, beeped, smiled and gave a thumbs-up and she responded with the same smile she had given the kids moments before.

In that moment, my mood quickly lurched from irritated to contemplative and I begun to meditate on the benefits of starting the day with exercise and what authentic and genuine smiling does for one’s demeanour. Thinking of this made me think of Mrs E setting off this morning on her 3.5km walk to work (for those exact benefits) and the big smiles we gave each other as I waved her off from the bedroom window and my smile grew bigger.

In an instant I was no longer bothered by stuff.

Moments later and with me now smiling to myself and in a good mood, I noticed another friend walking towards me, so once again I sounded my horn and waved. This time however, with the traffic now flowing more freely, my friend was unable to make out who had honked at them (or indeed if anyone had honked specifically at them at all). Undeterred by the who’s or the if’s, she waved back in such a way that, even if she didn’t know who had actually beeped, from the dozen or so cars passing her at that particular moment, no one was getting left out.

In an instant I was no longer just smiling, but chuckling to myself and replaying the image of my friend doing her best impression of Stevie Wonder swatting wasps.

Kindness, warmth and humour are amazing at distracting us from the things that get our goats and instantly freeing us from the foul moods we all find ourselves in. What we give our attention to and the meaning we give those things can harm us, or it can help us. Most of the time, we have it in our power to decide where that focus is placed. This morning, in being distracted with things that in reality have no relevance to me and do not and should not require my attention, I temporarily got absorbed in a negative frame of mind.

Luckily, a friendly smile and gesture, a warm memory of the missus and a cheery and carefree outlook reminded me just how easy it is to pop straight back into a happy state and be snapped out of a shitty one. The fact is, we always have the choice to think one thought over another and the ability to direct our focus and attention to the things that serve us better.

I am going to spend the rest of the day (and the next school run) looking out for the things that inspire me and make me smile and ignoring or turning off the things all of those things that do not serve me.

I am also going to try and be less critical of others as I don’t know the real stories behind the choices they make. On another day, I almost certainly would have been less irritated with the woman choosing to cross the road in the dangerous way that she did (and hopefully been more concerned) because I do not know enough to pass judgement on her.

But when I saw her I was already in a state of irritation as a result of not changing radio station when one of life’s true numpties started making mountains out of molehills.

So, I guess that’s the final moral of this message – If you want to have a good day, turn off the dickheads you don’t need in your head.

*if you are a whiny cretin, who feels genuinely aggrieved at a set of touched up photos, you probably need therapy and I am probably not the one to give it to you.

 

THE SCOURGE OF THE PROFESSION

Unfortunately, the hypnotherapy profession has more than it’s fair share of unethical and predatory practitioners, and dishonest and unprofessional trainers casting a shadow over the many decent people working in the industry.

I am collecting data and evidence to challenge much of the problematic behaviour that is holding all that is positive about the field back.

Please let me know – with full confidentiality, where you have witnessed individuals and organisations behaving unprofessionally (providing evidence) and I will look into it, as I have done on previous occasions.
We all have a collective responsibility to raise standards.

 

You become what you give your attention to.

 

– Epictetus

 

The influence Epictetus’s teachings have endured throughout the ages and his philosophy adopted by coaches and therapists. This morning, for a few moments I became what I gave my attention to; angry, unreasonable and unecessarily irritated by things I could choose to ignore.
Be mindful of what you are giving your attention to.

Is there something hypnotherapy can help you with?

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Therapy or training enquiry?

I would love to hear from you.

Sign up for regular updates

From the new Advanced Hypnosis Training blog and newsletter

Additional links

Becoming a Hypnotherapist, what you might not have been told.

Becoming a Hypnotherapist, what you might not have been told.

Becoming a Hypnotherapist, what you might not have been told.

Written by

This blog is a cautionary tale for anyone thinking about training as a hypnotherapist. I recently saw a post in a facebook group that posed the following questions to it’s members. 

How lucrative is the field? How much energy did it take to start a practice? Is finding clients a lot of work?

Many of the responses were as expected. Instead of answering the questions honestly, the post was seen as an opportunity to spout the usual tropes and spurious claims and indulge in the predictable chest-beating big-dickery that too many hypnotherapists feel the need to participate in. Sadly, the profession is awash with people who are economical with the truth to say the least.

I began reading some of the boastful replies and, when done shaking my head, decided to contribute with my own sobering observations.

What follows is an edited and expanded version of my own response.

“A word of caution. Be wary of exaggerated or outright dishonest claims. The hypnotherapy business can indeed be lucrative, however, the fact is – the profession is awash with more than it’s fair share of trainers who lie. In fact, there are a lot of them, and they tell a lot of lies between them and when they are not telling outright fibs, they are being deliberate dishonest, disingenuous and economical with the truth.

So what are the lies and false claims being shared to prospective students, clients and their professional peers?

Well let’s see, they are dishonest about the number of clients they see, have seen, have helped, how busy they are, their success rates, what they charge, and their scope of practice (what they can work with). One thing many of the trainers also fail to tell potential students, is that they themselves are not, and many have never been, busy therapists. They rarely disclose that their income comes from either other revenue streams (main job, pensions, partners etc.) or primarily from the training and workshops they offer (which ironically will include selling outdated or unsuccessful ‘how to get client’ programmes that haven’t worked for them).

Trainers will say to potential students things such as “you can get 30/40 clients a week”, when they have never run a prolific practice themselves,  and for the few that can claim to have that amount of weekly footfall through their doors, the practice normally consists of a number of hypnotherapists working in it (a detail many choose to omit).

Having created and run the country’s most successful hypnosis convention, I got to observe, know, befriend and mentor lots of hypnotherapists, trainers and numerous individuals trained by the people behind the claims. I also have been invited to numerous trainings by the individuals guilty of perpetuating some of the guff and nonsense . So, I have been well positioned to see and hear things as they are, both from the people seduced by the false claims and the ones making them. 

Sure you can make a nice few quid from the hypnosis business. But what most of the people making money won’t ever tell you is that where it’s been a moneymaker for them is, the disingenuous selling of the dream to trusting people in exchange for money that will never bear fruit (unless they pass on the bullshit to their own future victims).

The reality is, just like any business, it can be very lucrative, but there are no shortcuts and you need to be patient and pragmatic because, finding out the path to a hypnosis career is paved with far more bullshit than it is gold, may zap your energy, spirit and resolve.

Before you begin, set yourself realistic goals, budgets, targets (in terms of client numbers) and relative amount of time to allocate to growing your business as you succeed or fail. Be honest with yourself as a therapist and business person and set time aside at the end of every day for self-reflection and the reflective processes involved with running businesses well.

Also be mindful of how much money you invest in continued training. I will be honest, I’ve spent a lot of money on utter shit over the years, when my time and money would have been better put to use self-studying, self-reflecting and actually finding some of the cost effective resources freely available. Nothing depletes the energy like an ever depleting bank account and a trainer and training that creates more questions than answers.

Think long and hard about any claims being made and be especially cynical as to whether any ‘marketing’ training from a certain type of hypnosis or NLP trainer, is going to be of any actual value in setting up a practice, and how watertight and congruent their claims actually are. 

Your success will be the best way to find the next client through referrals and the right kind of referrals. Following up on clients for referrals and feedback is a good way to keep that referral process alive.

Disclaimer. I am a good businessman and a great business coach. However, I am or at least I was, a pretty poor hypnosis businessman because I helped too many people for free. I gave good advice to others but, always struggled taking money for many of the issues I was helping clients with, sometimes because of the client’s personal circumstances, but also because of the other revenue streams I was enjoying at the time. Even when I was fully focused and feeling less charitable, I rarely saw more than ten clients a week on average. This suited at the time, but I think, even with my results speaking for themselves, doubling those figures would have taken a lot of time and commitment.

In summary, yes training as a hypnotherapist can be lucrative, but be sure to objectively question those who tell you it is and ask them to demonstrate where their actual income comes from. Yes it can be a drain on energy so be economical, pragmatic and measured when you are starting out. Be a good hypnotherapist, don’t try to imitate people who tell you they are great hypnotherapists, and the clients will come – over time.

 

THE SCOURGE OF THE PROFESSION

Unfortunately, the hypnotherapy profession has more than it’s fair share of unethical and predatory practitioners, and dishonest and unprofessional trainers casting a shadow over the many decent people working in the industry.

I am collecting data and evidence to challenge much of the problematic behaviour that is holding all that is positive about the field back.

Please let me know – with full confidentiality, where you have witnessed individuals and organisations behaving unprofessionally (providing evidence) and I will look into it, as I have done on previous occasions.
We all have a collective responsibility to raise standards.

 

Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment..

– Benjamin Franklin

 

This profession, especially for the newly qualified hypnotherapist, can be extremely challenging and in times of hardship, and with everyone else seemingly doing it, the temptation to mislead others can be great. But tempting as it is, if you have any integrity, a mispoken word will invariably bite you in the arse. So stay true to yourself and the rewards will eventually come.

Is there something hypnotherapy can help you with?

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Dont focus on the numpties …

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Relaunching Advanced Hypnosis Training…

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I thought long and hard before reaching the decision to bring Advanced Hypnosis Training back.  A few years back, with my passion for the hypnosis profession beginning to wane, having already ceased or mothballed all the training I was offering (more on both that...

Therapy or training enquiry?

I would love to hear from you.

Sign up for regular updates

From the new Advanced Hypnosis Training blog and newsletter

Additional links